Break by Janice Estrada '11

I find it hard to concentrate
Excitement? Perhaps.
Excitement to hold the golden answers you have held already
Nerves?
Nerves that call to me and reaffirm the fear that I might have missed out on something
That little thing that makes you gasp and squirm
When asked to reveal an assumed hard night’s work
Planned out with time
Exhaustion?
Derived from a sleepless night

No I have no chosen to sleep this night.
Why might you ask?

Because I am behind
Because I have chosen to sleep through those fall mornings while you minds were molded
Because I have failed at choice between academia and health
Because I have ravished my blankets to their fabricated lengths
Because I have chosen to delay
Because I have chosen to diverge in midnight conversations in hopes to catch some glimmer of a future that holds happiness
Because I have slacked
I have…
You fill in the blank

And yet I feel alive
Having fought with my mind against time
To the sights of a book well used
To the taste of a Coke gone flat
To the smell of a refreshing smoke
And to the sounds that anger me through jealousy

I stay awake
To hear the slight pressure of your wooden floors as you awake from your slumber
Hear the yawning of a well rested night
Hear the aching of the body to move
Hear the sighs of contempt for a new day
Hear the groans of your first meal you find unsatisfactory
Hear the mind’s traveling through your agenda
Hear your first morning thoughts

To see the dawn’s first spectrum
Between night and what you call day
And what I have called bedtime
To see the first dawn’s greeting
This is what I find that truly makes me feel alive.
To look out one side window and see the night
And to step onto a porch embracing a new day
This alone makes me feel unconquerable
As I face the eastern sky
And hold fast to the hopes
That today will be the day
Where I conquer a sleepless night
And stand in the glory of academia

Today will be the day
That I will truly live in this college
As a student
As a mold to what is expected
As a citizen in a mediocre world

Today will be the day
That I will live a life preordained

Today will be the day